Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I can almost taste it

Veev's sister, Leez, is visiting us for Shabbos. She is from NJ, but works for YU, and travels around the country, interviewing prospects and answering questions parents have.

Yesterday she was in Chicago, and stopped off at Ken's Diner to pick me up a Burger Buddy. In less than two hours, that Burger Buddy will make its way from the wrapping paper that Ken lovingly covered it with, pass through my teeth, linger on my tongue, and move its way to my belly.

And that is a very good thing.

Except what happened along the way, on the flight, can only be told on the deuce.

Soy Un Ladron

My dad grew up without any Spanish language skills to speak of. at some point, he was in Puerto Rico, he told us, and jaywalked across the street. A police officer came up to him, and started yelling at him in Spanish. My dad looked at the officer, and saying the only Spanish sentence he ever heard, he said Soy un Ladron (I am a thief), not knowing what it meant.

The story has become part of family lore, and whenever we someone mentions the words Soy un Ladron, the whole family breaks down in tears.

We need to remind ourselves never to say this again in a Spanish speaking country. The Puerto Rican police did not take lightly to his answer. We are not sure or if they arrested him for making fun of them or because they really thought he was a thief, but they threw him in jail and he has been there ever since. We have not been permitted to speak with him.

I told you that story so I could tell you this story.

Last night, at my Spanish language class which I am taking to try and get my dad out of jail, the teacher walked into the room to say hello to the group. He clowned around for a minute, stepped out of the room, and then walked back in. I want to tell you a story to explain the importance of learning Spanish. When I was in Puerto Rico, my friend was jaywalking, and a police officer stopped him. The officer was yelling at my friend, who just looked at the officer, and then said Soy un Ladron, and ended up in jail.

The whole incident left me dumbfounded, and leaves three possibilities.

A) This story happened to both my dad and the Spanish teacher's friend. I find this unlikely that two people would look at a cop blankly and give the same Soy un Ladron sentence.

2) This story happened to neither of them, and is just urban legend. Then, of course, why is dad in jail in Puerto Rico?

C) This story happened to my dad, and turned into an urban legend afterwards.

Anyone want to vote?

Monday, March 06, 2006

Who's making Aliyah

Scott Adams is not. Football and Sun and Shadow is. All those text books, taken faithfully from house to house, never opened since finals, are not. Fever Pitch, by Nick Hornby and Football Against the Enemy are.

We began the process of simplifying our lives tonight, going through bookcases and playing Keep or Toss. People Magazine Seinfeld Edition, Toss. The Detroit Lions, Keep.

Shmuley Boteach and Dr Judy are not making the trip. Hard Tackles and Dirty Baths, an idside story of football's golden era, approved for Aliyah. Of course Sports Illustrated: The Football Book, in.

And so it went. Judith Krantz and Mark Twain, out. Lions Pride , in.

Mark Twain and Erich Segal, Toss. Talkin' Tiger Baseball, Keep.

The Long Season, the first book ever written by an athlete, is making the trip. So is Final program from Tiger Stadiums last game. Tim Allen and Paul Reiser are staying stateside along with Erich Segal.

Chicago Bears History will travel with us. Danielle Steele books are staying in Detroit.

When the smoke had cleared, and we had purged more than half of the books we had collected over the years, not a single sports book was left standing. Yes, How Football Explains the World is coming with. In fact, all things Lions, Tigers, and Bears are. Everything else is up for grabs.